The Cookie Incident, April 2013

Yesterday our dog, or as I call him, the pig, (French Bulldog-he does look like a pig, which works because I always wanted a pig as a pet!) had to go to the vet for his suture removal after having surgery for the removal of his man bits. I came home and Mike was starting dinner (not unusual, I don't cook) and there was a white paper bag on the counter. When there was a Cold Stone Creamery Mike would bring home treats for us even though I would tell him not to, but really I wanted the sundaes, who wouldn't? Cold Stone had white paper bags too....

Mike told me to look inside, I saw a cheesecake slice in plastic and a large chocolate chip cookie with a third of it missing.

Me: "What the hell is this? A half eaten cookie? What are you, your mother?" She is notorious for bringing half eaten things to family events...anyone what a pie with half of it missing?

Mike: "It just came out of the oven? What am I made of stone? I had to take a bite and I don't even really like chocolate!"

Yea, wish I could have experienced that. But, really, I get it and that is why we are married.

She was a lady (not really)...and then she went to a sporting event

I went to the Celtics vs. Miami Heat yesterday afternoon, it was awesome. It was the return of Ray Allen to the Garden since he left Boston to go to Miami for less money. Guess he wanted to play with the largest number of d-bags on the east coast, I mean besides the Jets. So there was a standing ovation in the beginning when they showed a montage of his greatest moments, oh cute. After that it was GAME ON!
I am usually polite and behave like a normal person in society, until I go to a sporting event, then I will curse everyone's mother, wife, children, the refs. anyone. I once got into a fight with a 12 yr old in Toronto, in all fairness, he started it. So yesterday was no difference, a few of my highlights:
"What is this church?" (no, it was the 1st quarter and no one was yelling except for me and my husband)
"Hey LeBron, go call your Mom, oh nevermind, she probably sleeping with your teammates"
"He Ref...you come from Miami?" (dude, no fouls on Miami for the 1st quarter at all!)
"Hey Chris Bosh...you still look like a lizard"
Mike had a good one: "Hey Bosh, go back to selling car insurance with Geico"

Yes, we are so classy.

Belichick's thoughts

Belichick the puppy has been ours for a little over a week and I think he is adjusting pretty well. He has been sleeping through the night which is awesome because we were going to have to have words if he kept getting up every 3 hours. I needs my sleep. I have to work in order to keep him entertained with different chew toys oh and pay the billz so he is alone part of the day. We have an awesome dog walker who comes twice a day and he has lots of toys and a nice little bed in which to nap. This is what I imagine he was thinking this morning:

• 5:15am: why is she picking me up (whine a little) I don't want to go outside....oooooo OUTSIDE, there are leaves here! Oh, I have to pee. Is that another leaf? WHAT??!!!
• Oh good, back upstairs...CAT!...get it!!!!!
• Why are we in this room, where did she go, whats that noise (shower), (cry a little), she left me! I'm gonna go poop in the corner...oh there she is, HI! 
• (Runs into bedoroom)....yummm sneakers...oh my giraffe...I shall shake you until I kill you
• (Back into crate, whine and then sleeps)
• The man takes me out of crate...OUTSIDE, there are leaves!!!! I have to pee! 
• Into pen to eat...this food is so awesome I'm going to step into the bowl to eat it
• (Mike takes Belichick out of pen) Why isn't he playing with me...I'm gonna poop now

The Piglet

OMG, we got a dog, well correction we got a puppy which means, we got a baby. He is a french bulldog named Belichick named after of course, Bill Belichick, still trying find a puppy size grey sweatshirt so I can cut the sleeves off of it. We picked him up at the airport with our friends who got his sister, the 1st night was sleepless, he went the bathroom in his crate and cried which sounded like he was being stabbed in the eye, 2nd night I moved to the guest bedroom with him and set an alarm to get up every 3 hours to take him out, no accidents in crate but I was exhausted. Luckily I took some puppy maternity leave and had 2 days off of work, 3rd night, left him down on the 1st floor and set an alarm to go off every 4 hours. However, I was convinced I could hear him crying while sleeping on the 3rd floor and was worried all night. Finally, I got a smaller crate and put it at the foot of our bed after having an in home session with a great trainer. I only had to get up once at 12:30, amazing. I didn't sleep for 4 days, cleaned up a lot of poop, wore crap clothes and didn't eat anything and its just a DOG. WTF, if we have a human baby, please just send over a nanny, like don't even ask, just send them, I beg you. Or my Mom or one of my aunts will have to move in for 1 month to make sure I shower and eat more then goldfish crackers.
The cat just stares are the dog and runs away but she now looks at me like I have betrayed her, then she looks at Mike like, did you know about this?
I will try to win her back with wet food.
But I do love my little piglet!

Christmas cards are stressful

So it's November and the first snow has fallen here in the northeast, I love this time of year, October-December are my favorite months! Thanksgiving is the best holiday, I don't cook so I am removed from the cooking stress (if I ever host Thanksgiving I am having it catered) so I just bake the day before then the day of we just watch football, eat and drink wine and nap. However, this year I am running a 5K the morning of Thanksgiving with my sister in law and her 3 kids, figure we can work up an appetite and I can feel horribly out of shape because the 6 yr old twins will probably kick my ass in running. That's why I am running with the 4 year old, if I tell him he needs to stop and walk he usually does. Score.
Anywho, I have started looking at Christmas cards, I don't call them holiday cards, I am sending  them because I am celebrating Christmas, suck it. I usually order my cards so I can get them personalized and that way I don't have to write anything on them! I was just browsing the site I usually use and all the cool cards have places for your own pictures to be but that don't work for me....I have zero children so there goes that for a card, no one needs a picture of Mike and I next to a Christmas tree or some crap. We have a cat but no one wants a Christmas card with a picture of my cat licking herself or sleeping, which are her 2 main activities. I could be all out cheesy and get holiday sweaters for Mike and I and take a picture for a card but people who see it and don't know us will think we are being serious with our sparkly sweaters from Ocean State Job Lot.
Uuuugggghhhhhh stressful!

Sidewalk Etiquette

I think it would be beneficial for the city of Boston and society as a whole if I wrote up a little pamphlet for incoming college students who are new to the area. This pamphlet would be entitled: "Sidewalk Etiquette: Don't be a Jackass." The second part may be in small print, haven't decided. People who haven't ever lived in a large city or who are just unaware that they are idiots don't know how to navigate the crazy world of walking in a straight (god-damn) line.
I just had to run over to the parking garage and get a computer out of my boss's car for the Help Desk to look at. He was taking too long so I said I would do it myself, it was an iMac which I thought was a laptop since I am a PC user, no its like a GIANT screen that weighs about 40 lbs. So I grabbed it to walk back over to our office, it is warm out today (WTF happened to fall?!!) and I started sweating (ew), not so good for my new hair (=frizzy bangs, double ew). And as I approached the main entrance a gaggle of college freshman with their T passes hanging around their necks on lanyard's with their school logo on them, was walking 4 across on the sidewalk. I tried to navigate around them but apparently a 30-something chick with bangs carrying a 40 lb computer screen doesn't register and one of them walked directly into my side. Me: "OW!" and the gaggle kept walking...not cool.
There is also the problem of zig zagging while walking on the sidewalk, this may be okay in your po-dunk town but for the love of David Ortiz, this is Boston, people got places to be yo! Walk in a straight line with purpose, lets not meander around, it makes you look like a tourist.
I may also include a section on waiting for your drink at Starbucks but I feel like that could possibly be a whole book.

And I'm back!!!

I'm free, free, free as a bird! No more papers, no more books, no more stupid papers due! All done with grad school! Shut the front door! I now have a HUGE student loan bill due, which is oh so much fun, but I did it! I am now a master of healthcare administration, woooo, I can totally make your healthcare office efficient and it only took 2.5 years! ew. Never again! If I ever say I am bored and want to go back to school again please throw something at my head, something hard, like a rock. But the best part of being done with school, or rather one of the best parts...we are expanding our little family, we are getting a PUPPY!!!! His name is Belichick (yes, after Bill) and we get him in December, he is a french bulldog and so friggin cute it should be illegal!!! CAN'T WAIT!
The other thing about being done with school is I can actually think, like I have time to process thoughts about like, what I should wear to work. The last week of school before we went away for vacation I kind of wore jeans and a fleece to work like a lot, not so good. I have a closet full of clothes but every morning when I would get up I was just so exhausted from school I couldn't think so I would be like, "yea black pants and a black shirt sounds good." So I went to Nordstrom and spent a f***ton of money and its nice because people at work have mentioned that I look nice. Ooo, ooo and I got bangs, I know right, "my hair is  so now."