Friday, June 21, 2013

Sports, Sports, Sports, dumb baby name

Oh where to begin today…so much to talk about. First off I followed sports before I met Mike but didn’t really pay that close attention. Now I am in it, and now I find baseball boring and football and hockey are so exciting, especially play offs. Bruins play tomorrow night in Game 5 but that’s not the story of the day…Aaron Hernandez (soon to be formally of the New England Patriots) is an idiot. There is no way Belichick (the dog and the coach) are going to let you play on the Patriots this year. Dude, you’re done. Being arrested in connection with a homicide investigation ain’t gonna fly with the Pats. I’m not sure Bob Kraft is even aware of what’s going on; I think he’s too busy hanging with Jay-Z in the 40/40 club. (so weird) I was all about supporting Hernandez when the story first broke, I would lawyer up too, but I think I have to say my husband was right. Hernandez is in a lot of trouble.
Another story of my very sports driven blog post (it’s been a while since I posted I know…stupid adult responsibilities) the Miami Heat have won the NBA championship for the 2nd year in a row. Yea for you King James. Well Ray Allen left the Celtics and Boston where he was beloved to take less money and move to Miami for a ring. Happy now? You get to play with one of the biggest d-bags in sports who was put on a pedestal when he was 11 and now he can’t see the ground. James gave a big speech about how he is from the inner city in Akron, Ohio and shouldn’t even be here playing. Right, NBA scouts were on you like white on rice since you were a teenager, but yea…it’s a shock you are here. It’s too bad he is such an ass, he is a good player.

On a pop culture note…Kim Kardashian and Kayne West named their baby daughter North. North West. Let it sink in...North West. It’s just so awful and stupid I don’t know what to say. Are celebs just naming their kids random things now…first Apple, then Blue, now North? What the???? So if we ever have a kid and we named it keyboard that will be accepted? I did see that there was a kid named Hashtag…lovely. 
And hey it's the first day of summer...for the next 3 months I will be scouting out shade and constantly spraying sunscreen on my husband when he is distracted. 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Cookie Incident, April 2013

Yesterday our dog, or as I call him, the pig, (French Bulldog-he does look like a pig, which works because I always wanted a pig as a pet!) had to go to the vet for his suture removal after having surgery for the removal of his man bits. I came home and Mike was starting dinner (not unusual, I don't cook) and there was a white paper bag on the counter. When there was a Cold Stone Creamery Mike would bring home treats for us even though I would tell him not to, but really I wanted the sundaes, who wouldn't? Cold Stone had white paper bags too....

Mike told me to look inside, I saw a cheesecake slice in plastic and a large chocolate chip cookie with a third of it missing.

Me: "What the hell is this? A half eaten cookie? What are you, your mother?" She is notorious for bringing half eaten things to family events...anyone what a pie with half of it missing?

Mike: "It just came out of the oven? What am I made of stone? I had to take a bite and I don't even really like chocolate!"

Yea, wish I could have experienced that. But, really, I get it and that is why we are married.

Monday, January 28, 2013

She was a lady (not really)...and then she went to a sporting event

I went to the Celtics vs. Miami Heat yesterday afternoon, it was awesome. It was the return of Ray Allen to the Garden since he left Boston to go to Miami for less money. Guess he wanted to play with the largest number of d-bags on the east coast, I mean besides the Jets. So there was a standing ovation in the beginning when they showed a montage of his greatest moments, oh cute. After that it was GAME ON!
I am usually polite and behave like a normal person in society, until I go to a sporting event, then I will curse everyone's mother, wife, children, the refs. anyone. I once got into a fight with a 12 yr old in Toronto, in all fairness, he started it. So yesterday was no difference, a few of my highlights:
"What is this church?" (no, it was the 1st quarter and no one was yelling except for me and my husband)
"Hey LeBron, go call your Mom, oh nevermind, she probably sleeping with your teammates"
"He come from Miami?" (dude, no fouls on Miami for the 1st quarter at all!)
"Hey Chris still look like a lizard"
Mike had a good one: "Hey Bosh, go back to selling car insurance with Geico"

Yes, we are so classy.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Belichick's thoughts

Belichick the puppy has been ours for a little over a week and I think he is adjusting pretty well. He has been sleeping through the night which is awesome because we were going to have to have words if he kept getting up every 3 hours. I needs my sleep. I have to work in order to keep him entertained with different chew toys oh and pay the billz so he is alone part of the day. We have an awesome dog walker who comes twice a day and he has lots of toys and a nice little bed in which to nap. This is what I imagine he was thinking this morning:

  • 5:15am: why is she picking me up (whine a little) I don't want to go outside....oooooo OUTSIDE, there are leaves here! Oh, I have to pee. Is that another leaf? WHAT??!!!
  • Oh good, back upstairs...CAT!...get it!!!!!
  • Why are we in this room, where did she go, whats that noise (shower), (cry a little), she left me! I'm gonna go poop in the corner...oh there she is, HI! 
  • (Runs into bedoroom)....yummm sneakers...oh my giraffe...I shall shake you until I kill you
  • (Back into crate, whine and then sleeps)
  • The man takes me out of crate...OUTSIDE, there are leaves!!!! I have to pee! 
  • Into pen to eat...this food is so awesome I'm going to step into the bowl to eat it
  • (Mike takes Belichick out of pen) Why isn't he playing with me...I'm gonna poop now

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Piglet

OMG, we got a dog, well correction we got a puppy which means, we got a baby. He is a french bulldog named Belichick named after of course, Bill Belichick, still trying find a puppy size grey sweatshirt so I can cut the sleeves off of it. We picked him up at the airport with our friends who got his sister, the 1st night was sleepless, he went the bathroom in his crate and cried which sounded like he was being stabbed in the eye, 2nd night I moved to the guest bedroom with him and set an alarm to get up every 3 hours to take him out, no accidents in crate but I was exhausted. Luckily I took some puppy maternity leave and had 2 days off of work, 3rd night, left him down on the 1st floor and set an alarm to go off every 4 hours. However, I was convinced I could hear him crying while sleeping on the 3rd floor and was worried all night. Finally, I got a smaller crate and put it at the foot of our bed after having an in home session with a great trainer. I only had to get up once at 12:30, amazing. I didn't sleep for 4 days, cleaned up a lot of poop, wore crap clothes and didn't eat anything and its just a DOG. WTF, if we have a human baby, please just send over a nanny, like don't even ask, just send them, I beg you. Or my Mom or one of my aunts will have to move in for 1 month to make sure I shower and eat more then goldfish crackers.
The cat just stares are the dog and runs away but she now looks at me like I have betrayed her, then she looks at Mike like, did you know about this?
I will try to win her back with wet food.
But I do love my little piglet!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Christmas cards are stressful

So it's November and the first snow has fallen here in the northeast, I love this time of year, October-December are my favorite months! Thanksgiving is the best holiday, I don't cook so I am removed from the cooking stress (if I ever host Thanksgiving I am having it catered) so I just bake the day before then the day of we just watch football, eat and drink wine and nap. However, this year I am running a 5K the morning of Thanksgiving with my sister in law and her 3 kids, figure we can work up an appetite and I can feel horribly out of shape because the 6 yr old twins will probably kick my ass in running. That's why I am running with the 4 year old, if I tell him he needs to stop and walk he usually does. Score.
Anywho, I have started looking at Christmas cards, I don't call them holiday cards, I am sending  them because I am celebrating Christmas, suck it. I usually order my cards so I can get them personalized and that way I don't have to write anything on them! I was just browsing the site I usually use and all the cool cards have places for your own pictures to be but that don't work for me....I have zero children so there goes that for a card, no one needs a picture of Mike and I next to a Christmas tree or some crap. We have a cat but no one wants a Christmas card with a picture of my cat licking herself or sleeping, which are her 2 main activities. I could be all out cheesy and get holiday sweaters for Mike and I and take a picture for a card but people who see it and don't know us will think we are being serious with our sparkly sweaters from Ocean State Job Lot.
Uuuugggghhhhhh stressful!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Sidewalk Etiquette

I think it would be beneficial for the city of Boston and society as a whole if I wrote up a little pamphlet for incoming college students who are new to the area. This pamphlet would be entitled: "Sidewalk Etiquette: Don't be a Jackass." The second part may be in small print, haven't decided. People who haven't ever lived in a large city or who are just unaware that they are idiots don't know how to navigate the crazy world of walking in a straight (god-damn) line.
I just had to run over to the parking garage and get a computer out of my boss's car for the Help Desk to look at. He was taking too long so I said I would do it myself, it was an iMac which I thought was a laptop since I am a PC user, no its like a GIANT screen that weighs about 40 lbs. So I grabbed it to walk back over to our office, it is warm out today (WTF happened to fall?!!) and I started sweating (ew), not so good for my new hair (=frizzy bangs, double ew). And as I approached the main entrance a gaggle of college freshman with their T passes hanging around their necks on lanyard's with their school logo on them, was walking 4 across on the sidewalk. I tried to navigate around them but apparently a 30-something chick with bangs carrying a 40 lb computer screen doesn't register and one of them walked directly into my side. Me: "OW!" and the gaggle kept walking...not cool.
There is also the problem of zig zagging while walking on the sidewalk, this may be okay in your po-dunk town but for the love of David Ortiz, this is Boston, people got places to be yo! Walk in a straight line with purpose, lets not meander around, it makes you look like a tourist.
I may also include a section on waiting for your drink at Starbucks but I feel like that could possibly be a whole book.