Open letter to crazy lady at the gym

Dear crazy...our gym is low key gym were fitness freaks and non-fitness freaks seem to co-exist nicely together, however you seem to be mucking this fine balance up. I find it hard to believe that you own only hot pants/Daisy duke style shorts, Target has some lovely workout wear I can recommend. And yes that is awesome that you like pony tails for your hair (me too!), however I know that you are above the age of 12 so maybe putting it directly on top of your head so you look like Cindy Lu Who, not the best idea. I make this point only because you seem to bounce an awful lot while you charge ahead on the elliptical machine and your Who hair is very distracting and I may fall off the treadmill or just point and laugh.

Also I hope you are aware that our gym is quite large and there is a whole room just for the ladies to work out and stretch in so maybe you should stretch your legs out there? When you lay down on the floor spread eagle (in your lil'shorts) with your legs on the wall, you seem to favor lying right in the entryway of the locker room. Not cool Who hair, not cool. Those who enter the locker room, (me) have to avoid stepping on you while averting our eyes away from your tiny shorts. Perhaps you could stretch out in the GIANT gym facility? While wearing pants.

Update

As I use this blog as a means of communication with my family, (and for daily rants about the stupidity of people) I am going to give a brief update of me, bad and good:

Things that suck

• a bird is waking me up every morning at 3am, and then I can't get back to sleep-I looked it up, it's a northern mockingbird. I want it to die! Last night I drank a glass of wine, took 2 Advil PM AND put in ear plugs, I still heard the bird!


• I got my cool new Aviator sunglasses, they were being held hostage at the UPS place, and every time I go in there I have to talk to the same woman about how my last name is the married name of her daughter, same conversation every time.


• I got a promotion at work!


• Mike and I are going to Texas in September to see the Red Sox


• I changed my hours at work so I am now 10-6 which gets me out of ever having to make dinner!


• I can't get the monkey to move fast enough on my Mario Party Wii game, so everytime he gets bonked in the head and I can't win that mini-game.

Thats all I can think of, when I was thinking of writing this post this morning it was a lot funnier.

Thoughts

So I really like cheese, I am eating cheese (and crackers I know! carbs!) for dinner and I am so damn content because of it. I guess I am not what one would call "a foodie"; one of the first times I ever came over to Mike's house for dinner he made hamburger helper. His roommate at the time, Joe, remarked that I wouldn't be impressed by such a meal. Mike's response: "Don't worry, she's not that kind of girl" and yes I was delighted with such a splendid meal.

Also, this is a discussion that I had whilst out with the girls last Saturday...(on a side note while we were out to dinner Erin called me a dickface, I told her there was a child right next to us...Erin: So stop being a dickface in front of him) that if you kill someone and it's proven like really no question it was you that you should be killed in the exact same way that you killed the other person. Or like the psycho who kept his daughter hostage for 24 years while raping her, he should receive the EXACT same treatment. Kept in a basement for years and raped repeatedly by a very large man named Rocco.

PS just ate like a log of cheese while watching Snapped on the Oxygen network...LOVE IT!

Last night...

So I decided to be a nice girlfriend last night and make dinner before Mike got home from the gym, I don't usually cook because...why? That's what restaurants and Mike are for! So I make chicken on the forman and I put cheese on it and I also made broccoli. AND I made Mike the frozen potato skins that he likes.

So he sits down with the plate (which I made up for him!):

Mike: What did you do with the chicken?

Me: I cooked it and put cheese on it.

Mike: You didn't season it with anything? (voice growing high pitched)

Me: No

Heavy sigh from Mike: I gotta teach you how to cook woman! You have to season it with black pepper or garlic or something. I feel like I am back in England.

I punch him in the arm, hard. YOU'RE WELCOME!

About an hour later...

I had a bottle of beer on the side table, I knocked it over with my laptop and it spilled. I also cracked an IKEA lamp but now I have an excuse to go there! So I clean up the spillage and sit back down.

2 minutes later:

Mike: Was that beer full?

Me: Yes

Mike sighs heavily again: Well now it spilled everywhere!

Me: I cleaned it up, I'm not 4!

We have some work to do...

What do I do?????

Oh my god, oh my god, OMG. What do I do? What do I do? Shit...so I just looked out of my kitchen window which faces the lovely back parking lot and dumpster and I saw a gaggle of teenagers. Peaked my interest because 1) I don't think any teenagers live here 2) they were hanging out by the main fuse box 3) THEY WERE DRINKING BUDWEISER BOTTLES! Okay they are soooo clearly not 21, I think. I am really bad at the age guessing game, I haven't been good at it since I passed the 25 year. To me anyone who looks somewhat younger then me is 12. AND even creepier is that there is an old dude with them who can grow facial hair and must be 21. Well Mike is 27 and can't, but that's besides the point; no one looks good with a mustache except for Tom Selleck and my Uncle Keith.

But should I be nosy mean neighbor lady and call the police or yell out my window? Or should I just mind my own business. Shit. Keep in mind its 1 in the afternoon on a Sunday, and I have to give the credit for drinking a somewhat quality beer and not Natural Ice from a can.

Okay, this time I will just monitor the situation, I will just glance out the kitchen window from time to time and see if any hulla baloo happens. But should these groupings continue they better not 1) wake me up EVER 2) touch my car 3) interrupt any TV viewing with loudness or the local PD is going to tear themselves away from directing traffic to open up a can of whoop-ass.

Dude I love watching the "Bad Girls Club" on Oxygen, love it! I usually don't watch reality shows but shut up, love this. I think it's because they are hot and they are CRAZY. Which is what I think some boys don't realize, they go after the hot girls and don't realize that they are INSANE. I had a friend a few years ago, she was a hot girl, but she was a mess. She was anorexic, she was drunk girl ALL the time, and would try to hook up with guys even though she had a loyal boyfriend, she was just crazy. Then she got into a fight with her sister and got kicked out and had to sleep on my couch, dude it was like I had a crazy 17yr old sister who needed to be taken care of. She went to Las Vegas and then called me to tell me she was getting married to someone she had known for like 5 minutes and whose father didn't approve of their relationship, more drama!

I finally had to break up with her as friends, I did it the wrong way, I just kinda stopped calling back or answering her calls. It was wrong I admit, but dude she was way too much work. I think that some boys just think hot girl=yea. Well just watch "Bad Girls Club" because they are CRAZY! Sometimes.

On a side note...is there something really screwed up with Billy Ray Cyrus's face, or is it just me?

Back from Merry Old England

So we are back...yea! Mike and I did have a loverly time in London but I am glad to be back. By the time we got around to our 5th day we were a bit London-ed out and we were starting to get on each other's nerves. We did sleep until noon on a few days, which means we missed the free breakfast in our hotel everyday, whoops. But we did have a nice time, and my fake British accent fooled a few people...

Things we learned:

• Americans (at least not us) are not rude, we were trampled at least 7 times a day by French and Italian tourists


• British women were ALWAYS well dressed, never saw one in a hoodie and jeans, shit.


• No one drinks Lite/Light beer in London


• Chocolate in England is SOOOOOO GOOD!


• Iced coffee is American


• Despite an adapter, an American hair dryer will blow a hotel's fuses


• Rebecca and Mike go to London with their brand new Land's End rain jackets and get a sunburn


• The tube there is about 20 times better then Boston's T


• Buckingham Palace, eh...not so impressed


• Mike and I can be together in a foreign country together 24/7 and not kill each other

Things we missed and now appreciate more:

• Iced coffee


• Breakfast sammichs


• Sports and ESPN (okay Mike missed that, not me)


• Internet access whenever I want it


• driving


• not paying the equivalent of $20 US dollars for a small salad and a water for lunch


• no screaming children in a small closed area to listen to for 7 hours


• more then 3 TV channels (yes I am spoiled, get over it)

Leavin' on a Jet Plane...

I am leaving for London in T-9.5 hours, I will not be writing on my blog from merry old England so please enjoy these you tube clips while I am gone.
Cheerio!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yf_yB6QW9lg&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTU2He2BIc0

Skinny Bitch

So my friend Erin has started reading a book called "Skinny Bitch". I "read" this book like 2 years ago and after reading just maybe 2 chapters and skimming the rest of it, I literally threw it in the river that ran behind my apt. building in Hyde Park. Why did I throw said book in the river you may ask...because it's FRIGGIN INSANE! According to the authors, self-proclaimed skinny bitches, if you want to be like them you have to become a vegan and drink nothing but water. You can have an occasional treat of organic cow manure every 2 years when there is a full moon and Mercury is in your house of wealth. Of course you are a bitch if you follow this, you would be STARVING! As Erin combed the aisles of Trader Joe's last night looking for organic wine I tried to tell her to abandon this retarded book and just go get a burger because she will go nuts if she tries to follow the plan in this book. She will have to go get a new BFF because I do not want a bestie who wants to be grazing in a field of dandelions.

On a side note, whilst walking to work I was crossing in the crosswalk when I had the right of way because the little man was lit up, and I was almost run over by a car with a license plate in their front window that read "Vote for Jesus". Nice.

London Bridge

6 days until Mike and I leave for London and all every time I think about it all that pops into my head is: "How come every time you come around my London, London Bridge wanna fall down" Thank you Fergie.

We are preparing for out jump 'cross the pond, queer saying I know but I'm gonna use it! But the uber fun news is that whilest 'cross the pond the Sex and the City movie will be premiering in London! I am soooooo on the look out for SJP! I heart her.

And tonight Mike is going to the Red Sox game so I get to lay out on the big couch and watch hours of Big Love! Who knew plural marriage could lead to such shenanigans!