So my friend Erin introduced me to a new term "facebook depression", and I am coming out to the world to say that I suffer from facebook depression. Not always, but occasionally I find myself looking at pictures of people I don't really know and becoming jealous of what they have. And I know envy is a horrible movie with Jack Black AND an unnecessary emotion but sometimes even the strongest will succumb to it. I am just fascinated by some people's lives, their giant homes look like Crate & Barrel exploded, their children are all rosy cheeked little cherubs, and every one of them had HUGE beautiful weddings AND they all looked like they were born from J. Crew or Banana Republic. Did I forget to take a class about how to be a grown up? Nobody told me! So I asked a few bonifide grown ups that I know and have come to the following conclusion, everyone is massively in debt and not talking about it. That and their husbands are sleeping with the neighbor's pool boy.
I am not one of the people who likes to keep up appearances, like this is me and I don't really care what you think. But sometimes, just sometimes...I think wouldn't it be nice to have a nice home and wear khakis a lot. Then I realize I am quite content and I have a very nice life, it's just hard to live with someone who is very verbal about money and debt and forces me to think about it daily. But I work very hard and sometimes I think its perfectly fine to treat myself, I don't want to work and work and work and then realize I am 75 and I would really like to treat myself but I can't because I have a bum hip and just want to stay in and watch Matlock.
57 comments:
I know exactly how you feel. I look at other people's pics and feel envious sometimes, too. But then I realize that some of them just put all these pictures to feel better about themselves. A lot of the times, the pictures are staged so that they can look more happy or rich or chic. I hope you feel better. Your life is amazing, too!
Most people will not tell anyone how it "really is". I have found this out like yourself I think how great it must be to live in a nice home and have beautiful things. In the last couple of months I have seen that you might have all this and more and be miserable. I think that saying you don't know what goes on behind closed doors and to walk a mile in a persons shows blah, blah ,blah. I do tell everything to people I should be more private but I rather be honest then to lie to myself or to anybody else for that matter
I feel exactly the same way sometimes! I will look at people on Facebook/Myspace that I used to be really close to in high school or jr. high and I will compare myself to them. It's really unhealthy.
Totally totally relate! Its even affected my 4 yr relationship because I am constantly comparing my (our) life to everyone elses.
I found this post by googling "facebook depression." A sweet girl I knew in highschool friended
me today. She's really a sweetheart, but she is so beautiful (like Angelina Jolie) that I feel inferior to her. Plus, she is having a baby with an architect I was interested on about 15 years ago. I just lost it! It's not like I ever knew him well at all, I just thought he was cute back in my single days.
Up until facebook, I was mostly satisfied with my life and home. There were things I wanted to have, and I'm enrolled in school so I can afford those things soon, but seeing that today just knocked the wind out of me. It's back to highschool with all my insecurities. Seeing the pretty girls especially, after I have put on 60 pounds, kills me. It just makes me sad.
I just deactivated my Facebook account. Ha Ha
I couldn't handle it anymore, my life sucks, and yeah, I know the people I'm jealous of have their own problems (No one's gonna post a message like "My husband is no longer attracted to me and I think he might be secretly gay!" on their wall), but it's the fact that they were able to at least achieve the appearance of the American dream while I've floundered in depression and anxiety for 15 years and have nothing to show for myself for all that time.
Some of them I'm sure really are as happy as they look, and they deserve happiness, but I don't deserve the added indignity of a new email alert every couple of days reminding me of how big a loser I am.
Facebook and anything similar does this to people, myself included. You have to be careful and have a close social group that you can feel safe around. In all honesty there is really no need to keep a lot of people on Facebook, the new trend of adding hundreds and even thousands of people is stupid. I deleted my account a while back and when I recently created it again, I had a new way of using it and that is to add and accept invites from people who I actually see from time to time. I felt very liberated by doing this.
Of course people only put their best pictures on FB and also will mostly write about their good times... who's going to put a bad picture up?
FB is for the modern egocentric generation obsessed with themselves and others. People should get a life and quit FB.
Amazing! For a few months now I have been noticing I feel WORSE after being on Facebook, but didn't understand why. For me it is less about envy, and more about reminding me of the people who I was friends with once but are now not that close with, either because of time or distance. It makes me sad.
I like the last comments, about only having 'friends' who you keep in touch with. Great idea!
I agree with all your comments.
Its hard not to compare and I'm sure others are comparing their lives to mine also. I think its time to quit FB and go back to feeling content about my life and the number of friend I really do have.
Someone wrote somewhere that FB should change its name to:"mylifesbetterthanyours.com" Thats how I feel about FB lately.
I deleted my facebook account for the same reason and know a few others who did the same. I like to call it "fakebook". It has gotten so absurd. You need your own PR person to manage your facebook account! So ridiculous!
Facebook is a mental minefield. I felt terrible after comparing my life to all those people happily overpopulating. I found some relief by going to the tabloids and reading some good dirt. I felt so bad that I started wishing bad things on all the faces. However, these are people from my past and I want them to be happy but not at my expense. I want to thank the individual who called it fakebook!
As somebody mentioned earlier, I also found this page by googling " Facebook Depression." One of my good friends at work mentioned this term to me, "Google it," he told me "it's a real thing!" I was intrigued as I thought it may have just been me that seemed to be developing an increasing anxiety everytime I logged in. I spoke to my friend about it, who also was going through a very rough patch, suffering with depression etc. Deleting his facebook page had helped him immeasurably.
I think my problem with Facebook started over a year ago, when I was just generally getting fed up with people's self-obsessed, tedious updates, old faces adding me from school who never wanted anything to do with me back then. I'd deactivate my account for a couple of days out of anger, annoyance or just a general need to not feel so "available."
It started getting a lot more serious when I could check Facebook from my mobile phone, I'd be checking it all the time, worse because I'd started seeing someone and would look at their page all the time. This person was very open with me, but eventually he started to fluctuate between periods of not talking to me at all and then apologising profusely for it a few days later. I'd keep looking at his Facebook page for answers, getting really depressed seeing all the new photos he'd been tagged in, having fun. I'd see his status updates and they'd get me down. Eventually communication between us got even more bizarre and then it wasn't long until I'd logged in and there was a giant heart on my newsfeed, with text beside it announcing that the guy I liked was in a relationship with someone else... Needless to say I was pretty devastated and I haven't been on Facebook since. Just thinking about the site gives me such a terrible feeling in my stomach...
That was the final straw in a multitude of things to happen on that site, it's generated arguments between my friends and family, I've been stalked on there, generally I think Facebook is a very, very dangerous website for those of us who are quite emotional or tend to dwell on things.
Facebook is far too intrusive for my liking, and even when I'd post things up on that site that were of interest to me, nobody really had anything decent to say, maybe a half-arsed click of a button to tell me they "liked this."
Sorry Facebook, you're just not for me. I've been noticably happier without it, not checking it every 7 minutes and not being available all the time is oh so very liberating!!
Do it! Get away now!
I really don't like facebook. I am one of those "quirky aloner" type artists who does my thing now and again and have a few close friends in a certain type of music/art scene.
I see all these peoples' profiles of having a blast at Burningman or at this or that party and they all seem to have the perfect hip, slick and cool relationship and someone to go on great exotic vacations with and a ton of friends posting on their wall all the time.
I have a few posts on my wall from people and not that many pictures.
I have gotten really neurotic at times trying to make a profile that reflects who I really am. But it's a waste of time. Who cares? I don't live on facebook.
I will make it more about my art, because being a quirly aloner, I am often not photographed having a blast at some event with my arms about three sweaty people.
So I am seeing it as a place to share my art - not how much fun I am having with so and so. Because I'm not.
wow this post has cheered me up!! Like many here, I just decided to google 'facebook depression'!! Facebook leaves me feeling down, alone and disconnected. I'm emotional and do not like how my feelings are so controlled when people post on my wall. I don't like to post my personal life so that the kid I knew 10 years ago in twelfth grade knows who I'm meeting up with next week-end. It often seems to me that the 'wall' is a billboard that makes us feel empowered about the image passers-by envision of us. This may sound real mean but I often ignore statuses like 'I need a hug' even by friends because I find it annoying and impersonal.
The only reason I stay on Facebook is because I'm in college and it's a major tool for keeping upto date with surprise birthday parties, events and meetings. Thank you all for helping me see I'm not the only one who suffers from 'facebook depression' and that I need to protect myself from the bombardment of people's thoughts, opinions and activities to safe guard my peace of mind and precious time.
I too have been finding myself quite down lately and noticed that when I go fb lately I've been comparing my life to everyone else's and even though I've done really well for myself, have a beautiful baby, great husband, home, etc. I still feel a little like everyone else is doing so much better and it seems that their pictures are just bragging pictures. I did go off of it at one point and got comments from friends and family out of town, I stayed off of it for a couple of months and then went back on to be able to share photos and stories with everyone. I think I did feel better when I wasn't on it. I have limited myself to not going on it at work and I find that helps a lot too. I have a history of depression off and one in the past 10 years and find that it gets worse as I go on fb every 2nd day or so.
it's so real! Thanks for this. i deactivated my facebook account almost 2 months ago. my life is great it was hard for me to realize that when i spent so much time looking at others lives and comparing myself. I've thought about reactivating and only having very close friends on there...you know the ones I don't feel i have to put a show on for and actually know the real story ;) Michelle- Canada.
I Found your blog by googling Facebook Depression with a friend.We were curious if it was a real thing, obviously there are other sufferers. Only,very few who admit it -it seems!
Wow, it's good to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. Although I am going through a difficult phase in my life I can usually find some positivity, gain some strength, and move on. But lately, I couldn't figure out why I can't seem to "get over" things and brush the dirt off my shoulders until my mom pointed it out. She said (and I quote), "You seem to be doing ok, until you get back on facebook. As soon as you start peering into everyone elses life, you fall right back into a slump...who cares if 'Becky Braggart' just got back from Paris!" LOL! And it's true! Like I said, I know I'm going through some things (divorce and bankruptcy), but facebook make me feel bad. I look at people posts about how much they are "loving life" and about how fabulous their relationships are (their posts about how much they love their hubby's are pure whackness!) and I forget about all that I have to be thankful for and all the great things that DO define my life! Wedding photos, kid pics, vacations, and homes pics just add to the insanity. It is ridiculous and has truly become an unhealthy egotistical billboard of how people want to APPEAR...and is not a realistic depiction of what is going on. I was the perfect example. I had the beautiful pics, the great job/education/husband and my life was friggin' falling apart! Ugh, I am soooo over facebook. I know it's not to blame for all of lifes woes but it can certainly add unneccessary anxiety to an already stressful life. Remember, all that glitters is not gold, don't believe the hype, and do what makes YOU happy! Everyone else can kick rocks!
every time i see my ex girlfriend/best friend i feel sad she's chilling with her friends having a great time while im alone and hardly ever go over to a friends house it makes me feel like such a loner its only her when i see my other face book friends and there pics and shares. I don't feel sad i actually feel happy for them :) damn i need to control my emotions.
its 4 am and and I can't sleep. Just crying and in deep depression right now because of Facebook. Facebook has made me feel so depressed its like high school again. As I type I am wiping my tears and sniffling because of all this facebook depression. Its so hard to quit though when you start facebook, its like looking at a car accident as you drive by, you just cant help yourself but look and that is how I feel about Facebook. What depressed me is the fact that I am living with my boyfriend who has completely kept me a secret to his family and friends. No one from my boyfriend's family knows that I live with him and his mom is 15 minutes away. For the past 4 years my boyfriend has kept me in the dark to his family/friends. My boyfriend beats me, yells at me and always threatens me and when I look at his sister's facebook they are all so happy, pretty, have lots of friends, going to Hawaii and they dont know the pain their brother is giving me :( Okay so I am not their friend on facebook as I made a fake facebook account to find out information about my boyfriend's family to know what is going on since he keeps me a secret to them. its painful to have to resort to making a fake facebook account to know what is going on with my boyfriend and his family. Reading about my boyfriend's three sisters makes me so ill and in deep deep depression as they live glamourous lives and I am getting abused by their brother (my BF) all the time. I just cant stand Facebook and even my real facebook account also causes me pain too :( I miss pre 2004 before all the Facebook was created and I had my simple life...sitting on the beach alone and it wasnt a bad thing!
sorry for the long rant I just cant help my depression :(
It's definitely not a good website. having to interrupt your life by logging on to see what people have said about you or to constantly stare at random pictures of friends of friends. it's just wrong. and the status lines that people leave make me feel sick. They wouldn't talk to you like that face to face. They wouldn't boast to your face, so why do it every day on facebook. It's just not cool is it. Enjoy your lives everyone, you definitely don't need a website to tell you how things are going. Adios Facebook. Anyhow, I'm just off out to handglide then go skiing whilst my gorgeous wife gives birth to sextriplets who will all graduate to Harvard University
I don't think it is healthy to have constant updates coming in from every former friend at all times. I too had decided to delete my account because I would feel like shit looking at this guy's page that was a world traveler. It always made me feel out of his league in the dating field. My life has been quite boring of late and even though I have traveled a lot in my past, the speed at which at least one of you 200+ "friends" are beeping in new vacation photos or baby updates, etc. it's just too stimulating for me. I guess if I was doing the same then I wouldn't feel bad. Now that I have been off of Facebook for about five months, I do feel better. The funniest thing is that I met up with two people today who just assumed I knew things about them even though I hadn't seen them in months. I had to repeat that they really had to update me with their lives as "no, I am not on Facebook anymoore." I think it makes people look like they have huge egos to just assume you know something. That's part of the fun of seeing friends...so that you can get caught up. It loses its mystique when you have read every burp, political jab, and seen their newest purse they bought, 24/7.
This is true, and I know someone very close to me that is going through this shit. It's from people that think they can get away with saying s***.
Here is the key. Learn to become as emotionless as possible, and it can be done. It isn't impossible to get close to machine status. It makes life a whole lot easier on you, trust me. You will learn not to give a s*** about anyone. Period. If they die, you don't care. If their house burned down, you don't care. If their bank account got robbed and they are living on the streets, you don't care. Simple as that. Just because some internet pricks want to have some fun and say something about you doesn't mean s***. They target people that they know will drag on the subject.
More great stuff about becoming emotionless is, you think without consequence. Years of this and you will be a trained soldier, mentally. Emotion is a human weakness. Train yourself above weakness. Without emotion, you are above human, no matter what anybody tries to say to you.
Overall, it works. A friend of mine told me what I needed to do, and I just don't give a s*** about anything now. I no longer feel anything. It's the feeling of invincibility.
Nobody else will tell me anything f***ing different either because I can care less for their approach on me.
Just came here from a news story and Google search, but I'm high-fiving myself because I've been saying this for years. "Socail Networking" is a farce...it is really "Anti-Social Networking". All of those internet chats/forums/etc were initially founded for of two reasons only: 1) for true geeks and technical people to work on, develop and communicate about programming type stuff in real time, and 2) hooking up. That's IT. You can't put lipstick on a pig. That's why Zuckerman originally founded Facebook too...to hookup. I've used it for that in the past (over a decade ago) but I will never be "on-line" again. I have an email account for my family and friend and that is IT.
I can also say with some confidence that Facebook killed my marriage. I think, like many of you have posted here, the ex got on there and just started thinking the grass was greener elsewhere...and maybe it is...but maybe it isn't.
Turn off the computer and get a life...you'll be a much healthier person for it!!!
I DONT BELIEVE THIS!!!There actually are people like me in the world!!!
i thought i was the only one whose emtions have been a roller coaster since i created an FB account...
I am very very sorry for the people who have suffered from low self esteem because of this stupid networking site....and i cant imagine people who plan entire events based on what pictures they will put on FB. all of us have a unique experience to share...and similar in many respects. we are different from the run of the mill people...we do not appreciate people putting dumb updates and staged artificial pictures on their profile...we do not feel the need to 'add' every single person we meet on a day -to day basis, we do not feel the need to unneccesarily comment on other people's walls.
I am so glad i found this space. Thank heavens there does exist a bunch of like-minded people who are 'different' from the average tom dick n harry...
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I just deleted my facebook account - depression, not facebook depression was the reason. But taking a good look at why I have facebook made me realize that since I am friends with past work colleagues, industry professionals, family, friends that I can't actually say how I really feel.
I don't want to post up what I ate for breakfast, I don't want the world to know where and what I did today. That shit is my own life and doesn't need a public record. I also don't want to post up that it's 4am and I'm trying to drink myself to sleep but can't.
I feel these days that people are so caught up in telling everyone else what they did that real in-depth communication has dropped to an all time low. Remember the times when you'd write your pen pal a 6 page letter? Now people post a 1 line spam about the cake they made or the asshole who parked across 2 lines. Who really gives a flying crap what other people think. And if you can't say what you really want to say then what's the point of having a facebook? What a glorified address book? Geeze, more than half the people on there I hardly talk to anyway.
So go to hell facebook, I don't need or want you - I feel finally free!
BTW, not to make light of actual facebook depression, but don't look at other people's lives and wives and belongings to reinforce what you want. Wanting what other people want is futile and it will just end in never-ending unhapiness.
Concentrate rather on what you DO have going for you. Find the things in your OWN life that make you happy. Stop externalizing your negative feelings and be thankful for the life you do have. If it isn't so good, then think about how you can work to improve it. Possessions will not make you happy. Good friends, and loving family will.
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I simply typed FB & Depression and got this website. I want to close my FB acct because people post skewed information (me too), I feel I can't say what I really feel about certain subjects, and I think it is really a waste of time, but I like connecting with my real friends.
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